There are so many reasons why folks start shooting on film, whether starting anew or returning. We all have our stories to tell. Here’s mine.
Environmentalism, working life and coincidental stress.
By 2017 the threat of fracking in the UK loomed large. The little voices within both Irene and myself calling on us to do something grew louder and we became involved where we could in the local protests against this destructive activity. We attended what protest gatherings we could but sadly Irene’s awful, debilitating illness started taking it’s toll. After a short while she was unable to continue though sheer lack of energy, her fatigue kicking in big time. I couldn’t let it rest completely, though, so I our local Friends of the Earth group. They were a very welcoming bunch with some very positive, creative ways of trying to raise peoples awareness on a number of issues, both locally and much further afield. I started using my photography skills to help record various events, protests and demonstrations and that the group was involved in. It felt good to finally be doing something positive, albeit a tiny drop in the ocean compared to other folks there.
You’re probably familiar with the old adage ‘the candle that burns twice as bright, burns half as long..’ Well, holding down a full-time job, caring for Irene and still trying to get out with the FoE and on occasion other environmental groups when I could took it’s toll, mentally as well as physically.
Something had to give.
You can imagine the feelings of impotent frustration that both Irene and myself felt when neither of us could offer our support for the environmental movement any longer. As time went on my time on social media didn’t really help adding to my stress and anxieties, seeing what was going on and not being able to do anything about it, along with all the other nonsense that fb likes to feed to you. Then, along came an old friend that took me away from it all.
My film ‘renaissance’.
“Go on, Dad, you know you want to...” or something to that effect - words of encouragement from my eldest son back in early 2019 (he enjoys shooting on film himself, using my Wife’s old Pentax K1000). I’d mentioned to him that Granny had given me an old roll of Fuji C200 that she found in a drawer and felt that she would probably never use. When I considered his advice, a small but nagging voice of desire in the back of my mind nudged me to try out the Minolta XG-M I’d inherited from my late cousin. At this point I thought “why not?” At first the Minolta’s electronics did seem to play up a little, the viewfinder indicators being somewhat unpredictable. Not surprising, really, after all those years of sitting on a shelf. The manual shutter speeds sounded ok, though, so I gave it go. I’m guessing the old camera must have been glad to be out ‘n’ about again, as the more I used it, the better it behaved (not really sure why). I found myself thoroughly enjoying the whole experience.
Well, I found myself in a bit of a quandry. I had been more than happy with what my dslr gave me and it’s ecological footprint seemed small in comparison to that of film*. Yet, it felt so good using that old Minolta and seeing the results it gave. At this time I also also started scanning a number of old slides and negatives I’d taken many years previously, bringing back a lot of fond memories in the process. This whole film vibe was starting to weave it’s magic spell - not something I’d have predicted even a few months prior.
How do I square it with my environmentalist conscience, though? I thought about it for some time and came to what seemed like a reasonable compromise - just mainly shoot black and white. The chemistry needed can, with care, be relatively benign. Black and white photography was an avenue that I hadn’t really explored that well previously, even in my prior film days, so it all seemed like a good idea. Shooting on film became my guilty pleasure and that little peep down the rabbit hole suddenly became a free-fall drop into it’s depths.
The feelings of nostalgia didn’t stop with just looking at my old photographs, but came also from using the old kit like my Cousin’s Minolta and my Dad’s old Pentax Spotmatic. As you’re no doubt aware by now, this trip down memory lane didn’t stop there. I started finding and using all sorts of old kit, the older, the better many a time. Was this also some vague, odd sense of photographic hyraeth, perhaps? A longing for using cameras that would have been antique in my parent’s era, that I wouldn’t have considered using even in my younger days? Maybe.
Maybe this looking back in time has been theraputic in taking me back to my youth, a time of relative innocence (or naive ignorance - they say ignorance is bliss) and a safer place in my mind. I don’t know. I do, however, know it worked and still works for me. I love it, the old kit, the process, the wonderful end results, everything.
I might sound like I’d turned my back on Mother Nature. In a slightly irrational way, maybe I had, to a degree. I needed to mentally get away from all that we as a species were (still are)are doing. I found it very hard to face all that, knowing there was little I could do. Getting back with film has been, in a way, my salve, my retreat.
I think, with the passage of a few years (and countless rolls of film) I’ve come to terms with it all a little better and can look at all the natural wonder there still is around us. I’m afraid, thoughI won’t be climbing out of this rabbit hole any time soon.
Sorry Mother Nature, I hope can forgive my indulgences.
*On the surface of it, digital is more eco-friendly, certainly for the end user. But, like so many things in life, it’s not quite so ‘black and white’. There is a definite grey area on both sides.
Having made it this far, I thank you for indulging me. The final offering from ‘The Cut’ will be published shortly. I hope to see you again there. Take care.
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Ralph, you were a sexy beast! It gives me hope that I might look that good, when I am out in the fields, with my camera!
I think being aware of it is important! There are so many things we should or shouldn’t do, it is all a question of balance, I find!